ABC's
by SoulLidify
Summary: No, Sasuke, 'hn' is not a word, and no one cares if nothing else can describe the supposedly deep and angsty depths of your soul.


It was two in the morning, and Sasuke was _so_ not in the mood for this.

"Sasuke," Sakura said in as low a voice as she could muster (she was clearly trying very hard not to sound Sakura-like, and failing miserably). "It has come to our attention that you have a really, really bad vocabulary."

"Hn," Sasuke disagreed.

Here he was, surrounded by eleven suspiciously familiar people, and he was tied to a chair with some weird rope that suppressed his chakra and- _why the hell were they wearing ANBU masks?_

"Hn?" Sasuke questioned.

"Oh, it was easy," Sakura (from behind a cat-like mask) said with a small wave. "We just waited until you were asleep and ambushed you."

"By the way, you snore," came a loud voice from behind a fox mask. And blonde hair. Sasuke focused his glare on the mask, intent on trying to make it spontaneously combust (and hopefully, the damn loudmouth with it). Lucky for him, a blonde female (Ino shouldn't have let her hair dangle out in a ponytail) hidden behind a pig mask elbowed Naruto for him.

"Jeez, you have no tact at all," said Shikamaru, not even bothering to try to disguise his voice. Oh, the _irony _-

Sakura cleared her throat, reclaiming Sasuke's attention. "Sasuke, you need to learn how to communicate properly. You can't rely on Naruto and I- er, I mean, your _teammates_- to translate for you."

"Hn," Sasuke deadpanned.

"No, I'm _not_ Sakura!" Sakura hissed, stamping her foot in a distinctly Sakura-like manner and Sakura-pitched squeal. There was an awkward silence as everyone stared at her. She coughed. Neji (Sasuke can tell it's him because of the distinct odor of shampoo) shifted his feet.

"_Anyways_," Sakura continued, "You need more than three words in your vocabulary, Sasuke. Actually, wait, two."

"Hn!" Sasuke protested.

"No, Sasuke, 'Hn' is not a word."

Sasuke paused for a moment. "….No?"

"That's the first word in your vocabulary," Sakura nodded.

"…Tomato."

Sakura sighed, changing her tone to that one might use with a seven-year old. "Yes, Sasuke, that's the other word in your vocabulary."

Sasuke paused again, unsure of what to say. Surely no other words could convey the incredibly deep and angsty depths of his character besides 'tomato' and 'no'…

"See?" Naruto hissed. "He's like a toddler!"

"No!" Sasuke hissed in a peculiar tone that may or may not have sounded like that of a toddler.

"Such a poor fate has he," Lee sighed from behind a… was that a _rock_ mask? What the hell- "The Uchiha 'prodigy' doomed to forever be an illiterate Neanderthal-"

Sasuke twitched. "Hn," he threatened dangerously. Lee quailed under the very, very detailed threat and shrank back behind Tenten, whose buns were popping out from behind her bird mask.

"I _know_ right?" Ino blabbered eagerly. "You'd think he'd be a walking dictionary like Forehead, considering his rumored epicness and everything, but he can barely say three different words!"

"Hey, I'm a genius and I don't use an overly complicated vocabulary to make others feel stupid," Shikamaru grumbled. He was smoothly ignored.

"And to think, all this time we thought he was a dark, broody anti-hero!"

"I guess he just couldn't find the words to say-"

"-can't believe he's so _stupid-_"

Sasuke snarled, effectively silencing them.

"Well?" Naruto prompted.

The Uchiha huffed irritably. Then,

"Sakura."

The pinkette gave a start. "Y-yes? Sasuke?"

She waited for him to continue, but he only looked away and stubbornly refused to say anything else. Then, the Rookie 9 (with the addition of Neji, Tenten, and the still-cowering-Lee) all burst into a clamor.

"Sakura, he said your nammeee! He liiiiiiikes you!~"

"Your name, he said your name!"

"-funny thing _that's_ the first thing the bastard says, he could have said _my_ name-" (Naruto was irritated, missing out completely on the implications his friends were speaking of.)

"-but of course, he probably won't learn another word for _decades-_"

Sasuke's jaw was working slowly.

"-I mean, _look at him_, he's just sitting there-"

"-man, this was such a waste of time-"

With a growl, Sasuke easily burst forward from the chair and stood, (mostly) proudly and (kinda-sorta) tall. After all, Neji was easily a head taller than him-

"_Enough!_" Sasuke snarled.

Everyone stared.

"Do you capricious fools have no better avocation than to bemoan my lack of speech? Do you wish for my abhorrence? Has it ever dawned on you dissentious idiots that I hve merely been furtive about my true ambrosial idiosyncrasy- which for your information is _very, very deep and angsty_- because I feared your impetuous impertinence? Has it never occurred to you that I am irascible, and you malefactors are invidious? I am sapient, sagacious even, and you myriad of mendacious fools with a penchant for opprobrium would do well to remember that! I think you can all concord that my benevolent clemency prevents me from further castigating you in an attempt to subjugate you idiots!"

Sasuke took a deep breath. If they were staring before, they were openly gawping now.

"S-Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, bewildered.

Sasuke took one look at the stunned crowd surrounding them, took Sakura's hand, and fled the scene.

Several people fell over in a dead faint as Naruto cackled about how it was about _time _that those idiots realized they liked each other-

-Ino sympathetically patted Hinata as the Hyuuga took in the irony of Naruto's comment and let out a sniff.

* * *

><p>AN: Honestly, I don't even know if half of what Sasuke said was in the right context. I just threw it in there.


End file.
